The Man Rules

The Man Rules­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­:
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down and give the guys' side of the story.

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side:


**** These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered "1"
ON PURPOSE! ****



1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.


1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.


1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the ! other one

1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials..

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really .

1. Don't ask! us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics! as base ball
or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;


But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

I WalMart for you?

Walmart Employee: "Hello 'dis Walmarts, how can I help you?"

Customer: " I would like to order a cake for a going away party this week."

Walmart Employee: "What you want on the cake?"

Customer: "Best Wishes Suzanne" and underneath that "We will miss you".

Walmart Employee: "Dat all? Okay, Bye."

867-5309

(217) 867-5309: Disconnected.
(262) 867-5309: Disconnected.
(303) 867-5309: Not in service.
(309) 867-5309: Disconnected.
(310) 867-5309: Temporarily not in service.
(312) 867-5309: "...867-5309 is being checked for trouble." ???
(313) 867-5309: Disconnected.
(401) 867-5309: GEM plumbers.
(403) 867-5309: Fast busy signal.
(412) 867-5309: Disconnected.
(413) 867-5309: Call could not be completed as dialed.
(414) 867-5309: Not in service.
(415) 867-5309: Some guy named Kevin who hangs up when you ask for Jenny.
(416) 867-5309: No answer.
(434) 867-5309: Cannot be completed as dialed.
(440) 867-5309: Not in service.
(502) 867-5309: Busy for well over a day.
(503) 867-5309: Busy signal.
(505) 867-5309: No answer.
(508) 867-5309: Waited 11 rings. No answer, no voice mail. Hung up.
(514) 867-5309: French out-of-service message.
(519) 867-5309: Disconnected.
(520) 867-5309: Chris's voicemail.
(541) 867-5309: Disconnected.
(573) 867-5309: Call could not be completed as dialed.
(608) 867-5309: Disconnected.
(612) 867-5309: A cell phone that forwards you to another cell phone.
(613) 867-5309: !!! Jamie, whose voicemail plays Tommy Tutone's song in it! I love this guy.
(617) 867-5309: The same plumbing company as area code 401.
(618) 867-5309: Disconnected.
(619) 867-5309: Temporarily not in service.
(630) 867-5309: Rang once, two beeps, then a busy signal.
(701) 867-5309: Disconnected.
(702) 867-5309: "The area code has changed to 775."
(703) 867-5309: Temporarily not in service.
(719) 867-5309: Voicemail for Larry Young, Probation Officer.
(720) 867-5309: Not in service.
(724) 867-5309: Disconnected.
(763) 867-5309: Disconnected.
(765) 867-5309: Not in service.
(770) 867-5309: No answer.
(773) 867-5309: Extension not recognized.
(775) 867-5309: Not in service.
(800) 867-5309: Rang and rang. No answer.
(802) 867-5309: Not in service.
(803) 867-5309: Disconnected.
(808) 867-5309: Cannot be completed as dialed.
(815) 867-5309: Not in service.
(817) 867-5309: Not in service.
(843) 867-5309: Call could not be completed as dialed.
(847) 867-5309: Some guy's voicemail.
(850) 867-5309: Voicemail - some girl named Carrie, Kerri, something like that.
(858) 867-5309: Fast busy signal.
(864) 867-5309: Call could not be completed as dialed.
(877) 867-5309: Some chick answered. No confirmation on whether or not it was Jenny.
(888) 867-5309: Rang and rang. No answer.
(919) 867-5309: Call could not be completed as dialed.
(925) 867-5309: Disconnected.
(952) 867-5309: Disconnected.
(970) 867-5309: Not in service.
(971) 867-5309: Fast busy signal.
(978) 867-5309: Disconnected.