Letter From A Farm Kid

Dear Ma and Pa,

I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the MarineCorps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quickbefore all of the places are filled.

I was restless at first because you got to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m.but I am getting so I like to sleep late. Tell Walt and Elmer all you do beforebreakfast is smooth your cot, and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feedto pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing.

Men got to shave but it is not so bad, there's warm water. Breakfast isstrong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weakon chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie and other regular food,but tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the two city boys that live oncoffee. Their food plus yours holds you until noon when you get fed again.It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much.

We go on "route marches," which the platoon sergeant says are long walks toharden us. If he thinks so, it's not my place to tell him different. A "routemarch" is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys getsore feet and we all ride back in trucks.

The country is nice but awful flat The sergeant is like a school teacher. Henags a lot. The Captain is like the school board. Majors and colonels justride around and frown. They don't bother you none.

This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals forshooting. I don't know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk headand don't move, and it ain't shooting at you like the Higgett boys at home.All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don't even loadyour own cartridges. They come in boxes.

Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to wrestlewith them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break real easy.It ain't like fighting with that ole bull at home. I'm about the best theygot in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver Lake I only beathim once. He joined up the same time as me, but I'm only 5'6" and 130 poundsand he's 6'8" and near 300 pounds dry.
Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers getonto this setup and come stampeding in.

Your loving daughter,

Alice

On-This-Day

1992 – I married the most wonderful, beautiful, thoughtful, sexy, hypnotizing, exotic, special, gorgeous, pretty, kind, smart, queen like, marvelous, funny, awesome, fantastic, excellent, considerate, creative, cleaver, great, awesome, wondrous, miraculous, prodigious, astonishing, amazing, astounding, phenomenal, unique, curious, merveilleux, extraordinary, Highly exceptional……Love of my life on March 7th, 1992!

If you haven't done the math, that was 15 years ago.

I Thank God everyday for who He has given me to love! I couldn’t ask for a better person to live with for the rest of my life with. Despite what others say, I DO have the best wife in the world.

Guru - I LOVE YOU! I Always have & Always will!!!!!

Joke!!!

Two Alabama farmers, Jim and Bob, are sitting at their favorite bar,
drinking beer. Jim turns to Bob and says, "You know, I'm tired of going
through life without an education. Tomorrow I think I'll go to the
community college, and sign up for some classes."

Bob thinks it's a good idea, and the two leave. The next day, Jim goes
down to the college and meets Dean of Admissions, who signs him up for the
four basic classes: Math, English, history, and Logic.

"Logic?" Jim says. "What's that?"

The dean says, "I'll give you an example. Do you own a weed eater?"

"Yeah." "Then logically speaking, because you own a weed eater, I think
that you would have a yard."

"That's true, I do have a yard."

"I'm not done," the dean says. "Because you have a yard, I think
logically that you would have a house."

"Yes, I do have a house."

"And because you have a house, I think that you might logically have a
family."

"Yes, I have a family."

"I'm not done yet. Because you have a family, then logically you must
have a wife And because you have a wife, then logic tells me you must be a
heterosexual."

"I am a heterosexual. That's amazing, you were able to find out all of
that because I have a weed eater."


Excited to take the class now, Jim shakes the Dean's hand and leaves to
go meet Bob at the bar. He tells Bob about his classes, how he is signed up
for Math, English, History, and Logic.

"Logic?" Bob says, "What's that?"

Jim says, "I'll give you an example. Do you have a weed eater?"

"No."



"Then you're a queer."